Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
