not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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