so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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