i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
