I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its about making memories worth repressing
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
