i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
