dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
