he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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