They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
