It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
