dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
