everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
