So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
