You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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