I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
