she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
