Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
