take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize