this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
