i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
