Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
