Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
