Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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