There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize