i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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