Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
MIDGETS
????
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
