Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
