can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
