I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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