'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
