i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
