tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
