We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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