even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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