so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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