im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
