is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
