Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
