i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
