I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
