Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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