One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
