what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
