wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
