you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
