If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
what day is it and did you see me today?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
