he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
