I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
