I wanna passion pit in your ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
