her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
