I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
