420 ftw
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
