I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
