Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
