so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
