Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
