I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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