I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
