dude i'm inner monologue high
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
