4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
