We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
