She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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