Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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