I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
