Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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