I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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