i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
