my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
