there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
